She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
