dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
