The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you would pick up someone in the library
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
