The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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