I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
