1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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