my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
