At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
