ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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