Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
