Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
