I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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