1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drake has all the answers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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