I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
