Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
