she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
