His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
