First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
