oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
