Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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