i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
