god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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