Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
