saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
True strength comes from lack of pants
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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