hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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