the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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