The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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