Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
