Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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