you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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