I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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