why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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