I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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