Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize