he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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