Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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