I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
