If you die in college, do you die in real life?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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