he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
