thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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