Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
