What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Green mimosas i think yes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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