It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want nice things and good sex
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
