home. puking in laundry basket.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize