It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
