every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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