oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
