I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
