JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
