Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Less talking, more tequila
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
