I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
