The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize