are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
