Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
