I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
