No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
