no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
