She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
