Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
