You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
