I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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