Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
