His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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